I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
