She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
