He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Found your dick twin last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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