Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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