dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
