The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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