there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
