My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
