Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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