Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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