I faked an abortion last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
bring money and cleavage
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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