from now on my penis is your penis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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