I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just google imaged poop.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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