Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
