I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Me too!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
