My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
