Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
