i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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