You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
