I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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