I hate your face
I cockslap morals
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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