dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
