Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
