I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
