I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
