My liver just broke up with me...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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