Can Purell be used as lube?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
