i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
