dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
