WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
