The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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