Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
