So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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