I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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