my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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