I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
