ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
