I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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