I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
