Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
