we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
