I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
