She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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