All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
