You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
