Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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