first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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