babies were throwing up all over the place
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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