dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
