but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
