Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
