so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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