he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
