day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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