I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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