Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
