can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
