dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
