two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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