I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
