Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
