I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
