I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
