I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
