dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
