she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
