I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
