She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
