Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
