I just threw up on my dentist
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
