last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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