just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
