uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
