hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
