a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
