You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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