Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
