just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
