Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
