My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
