brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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