Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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