I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
