She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
