i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
