I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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