people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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