Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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