if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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