I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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