So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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