i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
