Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
