So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
