I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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