Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize