i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
