I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize