Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
