Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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