There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
